UNTIE THE KNOTTY NUPTIAL KNOT

So, someone announces his wedding date, and another chronic bachelor opens up on his fear of tying the nuptial knot. ..

I wonder if I can ever get the kind of married life my parents enjoyed. These days, I see pot and kettle flying over the air like Aladin; fights, rancor, acrimony. Keeps me wondering how I would survive this marriage institution when I eventually tie the knots.

Fighting every day. You hear your married neighbour engage in shouting matches on regular bases . Too many negative things associated with marriages of nowadays

Well, fights in marriage are one of the things that make a marriage spicy. You fight, and live to fight again after makeup. There are no marriages without quarrels.. But I suppose the level of quarrel just varies… And the rate those quarrels are amicably resolved is important.

What are the main causes of disputes in marriage?

Housework

One of the prime causes of rancor in a household is housework. When both parties work long and hard, the women often Harbour resentment because they find that their partner does not helo enough with household chores . If the situation persists for a long time, it is normal for the woman to eventually light up a fire at home.

Addressing this

We have different tolerance levels for disorder. Disorderliness in the home affects different people to different degrees. The man especially can assist with the tasks that he loves doing. Men are better at, and prefer handling practical task requiring  concrete solutions in the home.

Money – the lack of.

The lack of money is the root of  marital evil and is a veritable source of conflict when partners do not have the same attitude to money. As couples, we have a lot of financial obligations, and if one of them tends to believe that the other is throwing money out the window, it creates insecurity, and a source of relationship abrasion ..

Associated with this are men who are gadget crazy (cannot resist splurging in the newest shiniest toy), or women who must buy the latest trendiest accoutrements no matter the present family financial situation.

Addressing this

This is resolved mostly through communication. The couple should be  working toward common financial goals. Each partner should recognize their weaknesses and strengths and let the one that has more fiscal discipline hold the purse strings.

If you are the type that can resist spending on frivolity, agree with your spouse on consulting before sporadically  blowing the family fortunes on doodads, especially,  sums above a certain amount.

Disciplining the children

Parenthood style can easily become a contentious issue. Although you may have seemed to be on the same wavelength when you had discussed it before the arrival of children , things may be quite different when the time comes to apply discipline.  One parent may be a disciplinarian, while the other believes more in the soft approach. It. Is important not to send conflicting signals to the children.

Addressing this

There should be mutual agreement regarding the basic values ​​you want to pass on to your children. Then the parties can agree on a common ground on how to apply. This could be by allow the child learn more by letting the child take responsibility regarding the consequences of his actions.

Alternatively,  positive reinforcement may be adopted with the child. The important thing is for the couple to be on the same page, and not appear to contradict the other before the children.  If the couples don’t agree on an intervention method , they can discuss that when the child is not present.

Dearth of communication

Generally men are not as communicative as women. Some complain that men need to express themselves more, show more emotion. Men are less likely than women to express themselves, and this situation can create insecurity as the woman is not a mind reader. Body language can only communicate so much.

Addressing this

Women must constantly keep it in mind that a man is not naturally wired to talk about his emotions.  Unfortunately, , it is important for the life of the couple to exchange their inner thoughts and share, because that is one of the things that strengthen marital bond .

Couples should make it a habit to set aside some minutes every day to talk about nothing in particular and everything in general. .  Discuss  the happenings of the day, that toothache that developed while at that staff meeting , etc. 

Little things matter.

Sexual relations

The usual cause of conflicts is usually traceable to a discrepancy in the level. of libido. A partner may prefer a high sexual frequency while the other is not that enthusiastic in bedmstics. This can easily be a constant source of frustration if not handled correctly, and can reflect negatively on other areas of daily marital interactions.

Addressing this

Except for health reasons, a marriage bereft of satisfactory intimacy is in some danger of marital conflict.
For a many reasons, sexual relationships hold an important place within the marital institution.. It allows a sharing of deep intimacy that may be impossible to express in other ways.  In a situation where the libido is not equal, it is often the one with the strongest who gets stressed. 

A common ground must be established by meeting each other midway.The one with the high sex drive recognizes that he may not be able to have sex as often as desired , and the low sexed one willing to put in the effort to make the partner minimally happy.

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