COMMUNICATION IS THE SOUL OF MARRIAGE



Why cant this woman keep quiet for even thirty minutes?”… he muses internally.

Why is he always so quiet? … the woman of the house wonders.

This is a very common situation which doea not necessarily indicate a dysfunction in the marital life of the couple,

“But why do you talk all the time?” demands the man, finally.

“Because you never say anything!” wife responds.

Sounds familiar? This dialogue tells you something?

“You do not have to talk all the time,” the man is often thinking, “we can be together, while you shut up” .

When two young parents observe their baby play, a look is often more eloquent than a long sentence. But when one says “look how beautiful he is!”, this kind of verbalised thinking makes the heart of the spouse sing.

If the wife makes a sumptuous dish for the husband, he should congratulate her by commending her effort and tell her how much he appreciates it. Those who live as a couple should remember the beginning of their relationship, when they talked about everything –
together.

Do we become more reticent as we move along swimmingly in a relationship? After long years spent together, many people tend to become less verbose. They degenerate into saying only what they deem strictly necessary. When they stop working and staying together at home all day, it’s even worse.

Should this lack of verbalised dialogue be worrisome?

Some people living as a couple are very happy together, but they do not talk much. Silence is neither good nor bad, but depends on the situation.

Same for dialogue.. Some couples talk a lot., at each other, rather than, with. But they do not really listen to each other.

A good discussion requires silence.. to listen, to let others express themselves, to take the measure of what they say. It is up to each couple to find their mode of interaction.

You have to start asking yourself questions when you avoid certain topics in order to avoid arguments, because conflicts and verbal exchanges are part of a healthy relationship. Repressed disagreements have a way of germinating and growing until a small spark makes things explode out of proportion! A conflict is better discussed because it has a chance to fester.

Except for couples where neither the man nor the woman speaks much, there are a majority of couples where one is talkative and the other much less so. In some cases, one of the partners, usually the woman, talks a lot to cover up the silence of the other, and when the husband does not react or answer a question, the tone goes up. The man then isolates himself even further in his cocoon of silence and sees the endless chatter of his wife as a permanent irritant..

Often, to the great chagrin, the wives of reticent husband find that their husband are more expressive and talkative when dealing with third parties.

When I’m alone with my husband, he hardly speaks, says someone, “but as soon as friends pass by, he turns into a veritable chatterbox, which is deeply annoying.

Such a situation can get worse when the couple goes through a painful ordeal, such as the loss of a child, for example.
The problem becomes even more aggravated because the one who tends to be silent prefers not to talk about his pain while the one who is more garrulous reproaches the other for not thinking about their lost child, However, none is better than the other.

Women general speak more than men..as a rule. This is often true, but not always.

Many scientists have developed theories to explain this difference as ‘volubility’ . Some focus on purely physical characteristics.

It was discovered that the female voice is composed of complex sound waves. The brain of man must make more effort to understand them. In the long run, fatigue sets in and he does not listen anymore.

The garrulous one would suddenly stop in the barrage of verbiage, and say,

You are not listening to me. If you claim you are, what did I say last?

Another explanation is the difference between male and female brains. When speaking, men only use one hemisphere of their brain, while women use both. In women, the two cerebral hemispheres are indeed linked to more brain pathways than in men. This allows them to communicate faster and more widely. In addition, brain regions related to language are more developed in women than in men.

Aye, the women have it!

In their books, John Gray (Men are from Mars, women are from Venus) and Allan & Barbara Pease (Why men do not listen to anything and can only do one thing at a time) explain that differences in language processing pattern between men and women go back to prehistoric times.

At that time, the men hunted and had to keep quiet so as not to scare the game and not to attract predators. When they communicated, they did so in a rather direct way, with few words and contented themselves with providing a concrete solution to a problem. The women remained in the cave where they took care of a community. A task that requires a good deal of communication and diplomacy. They mostly expressed feelings and were constantly trying to reinforce the group’s spirit of cohesion.

Since the prehistoric era lasted tens of thousands of years, our brains are dominated by these behaviors.

In 2007, a team of German scientists recorded the daily conversations of 210 women and 86 men. On average, it appeared that they all said about 16,000 words a day. There were more talkative and silent topics for both women and men. However, men spoke more about technique, money, work and numbers. Women dwelled on fashion and relationships.

The truth is so complex. Yes, men are often silent. And yes, women like to talk. But not always. Each personality has many facets. We can have happenstances of a talkative clamming up and an introvert chattering along, for example.

Would the ideal couple be composed of an extrovert and an introvert and vice versa?

The important consideration is whether you perceived your partner as such when you met him. Generally, we often choose a partner based on traits we believe are compatible with us. This is, for example, the case of an introvert who is seduced by a talkative person, and then discovers that he can never get a word in. Over time, an introvert can also become an extrovert, more loquacious and therefore disappoint the partner.

We also have to ask ourselves if it is not our behavior that pushed the other to change. Often, in a couple, partners tend to constantly confirm the image they have of each other and themselves. As a result, they amplify this image disproportionately and invent problems that do not exist. The taciturn may not be so quiet and the talker not as talkative as you think . It may just be your attitude that is causing that slant on things!

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If you are talkative, pretend you have water in your mouth that you are swishing aroind.. pause, before speaking. Just like it is better to give than to receive, it is also generally better to listen than to talk.

Every now and then, try not to be the first to speak.

Do not be silent when you notice that your partner is upset. Ask what’s wrong and try to find a solution together. In this instance, silence is not golden!

Hold each other’s hand and hug frequently. These are nonverbal ways of showing one’s love and affection, and are often more effective than words.

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