If There Is No Communication Then There Is No Respect. If There Is No Respect Then There Is No Caring. If There Is No Caring Then There Is No Understanding. If There Is No Understanding Then There Is No Compassion. If There Is No Compassion Then There Is No Empathy. If There Is No Empathy Then There Is No Forgiveness. If There Is No Forgiveness Then There Is No Kindness. If There Is No Kindness Then There Is No Honesty. If There Is No Honesty Then There Is No Love. If There Is No Love Then God Doesn’t Reside There. If God Doesn’t Reside There Then There Is No Peace. If There Is No Peace Then There Is No Happiness. If There Is No Happiness —-then There Is Conflict Because There Is No Communication!
Shannon L. Alder
Perusing many websites, newspapers, the social media, magazines, we easily observe that the marital lifestyles and their poor effect on physical and psychological wellbeing of married couple are the subject of numerous studies – the world over. Marriages are packing up like decks if cards. This is non salubrious on societal wellbeing as the family unit is the backbone if a vibrant society .
The shortage of a frank / open talk culture between couples is something that culminates in storms that may cause a divorce or marital separation or possibly untold conjugal unhappiness. However beyond these disputes, there are people who have harmonious conjugal relationship or are totally exempt from marital strife. This is quite rare as most unions have their low points.
Verbal duelling, or bitter disagreements within marriages are common occurrences and it’s an integral part of many relationships, with intelligence / wisdom being the way to address these controversies and transmute all the rancour into harmonious cohabitation and love.
ADDRESSING MARITAL DISPUTES Psychologists and expert sociologists confirm that the approach followed by most couples in handling disagreements destroys the intimacy or widens the emotional distance between husband and wife. When you sense a marital dispute about to erupt, it’s important to reflect on the underlying causes of the strife. Is the rancor a manifestation of something actually unrelated to the actual words being expressed? This can only be discovered through active listening.In that case, remain calm and and listen more for the things not being said. Words spoken can never be recalled, and it is important to note that the words used in a moment of blazing fury stick in the memory of the partner and can have future effects on the relationship.
Therefore, it is important to moderate the words used, no matter how tense the situation, and try and get the partner’s point of view. This can only be achieved through empathetic listening Some spouses deploy the silent treatment, and tend to shut the doors of dialogue by remaining adamant / ramrod regarding their point of view. Many disputes are resolved when the communication channel is fortified and listening ears are made available.In dispute resolution, a good place to start is to focus on the precise subject matter of the misunderstanding, and emphasize prime areas of agreement before examining areas of contention. This makes peacemaking likely to succeed, and the couple may actually fond out that maybe they can agree not to disagree after all.
Expressing your area of concern clearly, without equivocation stop most misunderstanding in their tracks, as a prime cause of dispute often emanate from incomplete understanding of the point of view of the spouse. Lots of marital dispute often start from trifles and not major hard-line positions on issues.It is advisably that, when emotions are still high, time should be allowed for some calming down before the issues are addressed.
Dispute resolution hardly work when everybody is still yelling and angry, with coursing adrenaline.It’s very important not to dredge up past occurrences which have no direct bearing on the current issue, but to focus instead on the resolution if the current one. Referring to things that happened in the past has a way of enlarging the current strife.
Avoid employing personal attacks (argunentum ad hominem) but stick to current issues and events, only. Throwing the weak personal attributes of the spouse in his/her face only exacerbate matters! Attacking the psyche may win you the battle but still lose you the war Unfortunately, the pace of modern life is so frenetic that most couples no longer even have the time to speak talk more, communicate and keep renewing the bond of love.
Marital discords are easier to resolve if the love bank has lots of deposits (through ongoing fortified communication), with only occasional have withdrawals (through the occasional skirmishes). Communication and patience are key!