The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Woody Allen

There was the screaming headline,

Single Christians Can Have Sex As Long As It’s Mutually Pleasurable And Affirming,- Pastor Says

Have a look at the story here

As can be expected, there was an uproar by the “very religious”.

The uproar is similar to when a very popular pastor said masturbation is okay for the unmarried congregants, and the same purists shouted blue murder.

A Pastor wails…

Satanic Evolution Programmed To Distort God’s Word, Confuse People And Give People A Sense Of “Liberty” …. If You Are A Christian, There Is No Better Time To Watch And Pray Than Now, That We May Not Fall Into Temptation. The Devil Is Out, Like A Roaring Lion, Looking For Who To Devour.

Another Screams..

This Just Goes To Show That People Should Be Convinced About The Biblical Teachings In The Bible, To Read It And Get Understanding And Not To Just Follow What The Some Pastors Are Saying Especially When It Contradicts What Is In God’s Word. Like This Pastor Advising On Singles Having Sex. God Help Us In This World Of Ours Today

You can’t have premarital sex, you can’t masturbate, and you are an adult, unmarried, with “adult feelings”.

Let us examine the medical angle first

Doctors tell us about the fact that a man is more predisposed to prostate cancer later in life if he doesn’t have regular sex. Now, many are marrying late.

Supposing a man is unable to marry until he is forty or above, and he is expected to remain “unstained”, is he not literally risking his longevity?


Here is an article from LiveScience outlining the link between frequent ejaculation and prostate cancer predisposition

Yet, another from WebMD talks about the medical / physical benefit of rolling in the sack, regularly (married or not).

How about the issue of sexual compatibility? Money and sex are two leading causes of marital discord, and divorce.

There is simply too much hypocrisy in this world regarding sex.

I agree. Whatever floats your boat sexually in this instance is okay. As long as it is consensual, you are adults, and your (illicit?) sexual liaison harms nobody.

Most people engage(d) in premarital sex, even those preaching against it, whether they admit this or not. That’s a fact.

Now, let’s not throw the holy books into this, so we can have a dispassionate discussion devoid of different terms of reference.

Mechanically speaking, what makes a deep passionate kiss different from sexual intercourse?. Perhaps deep kissing is also a sin? But a light one is not?

Is marriage a man-made institution, or a spiritual union? Forget what the holy books say, for a moment, and let us look at this critically.

There is traditional, court, church/mosque marriages. Our forefathers had nothing like church wedding. Can we then conclude that we are all (modern people) born outside wedlock (since a traditional marriage could be seen as not being a “real” marriage)?.

Is it not incorrect to keep insisting that marriage is a “spiritual union sanctioned by God”, when it is actually a man made affair? Who conducts marriages for orangutans? What makes a marriage a VALID marriage, and thus, the supposed ONLY basis for non sinful sexual intimacy?


photo courtesy – psychedelicadventure.net

Marriage is two people coming together in agreement. If two MEN get wedded in a church, does that make the union politically / spiritually more “correct” than two consenting heterosexual adults deciding to share intimacy outside wedlock?

If we predicate the wrongness of premarital sexual union on the false premise that marriage is not “of this world” but God ordained, are we not getting it wrong?

If something is wrong, why do so many people feel the strong urge for that? What do we advise an adolescent man / nubile lady, with raging hormones, to do when not yet married, and have the natural God given sexual urge that comes with puberty (denying the presence of that urge doesn’t eliminate the fact)??

While I understand the (possible) repercussion(s) of premarital sex, and wouldn’t encourage sleeping around, denying something as basic as ‘hunger for food’ is a “head in the sand” posturing, and changes nothing.

Perhaps our puritanical posturing is the cause of so many rapes wherever you go and whenever you look?

It is a problem for many, this sexual obsession (married or not), and proffering a workable solution rather than preaching abstinence is worth examining critically, without bringing in religion.

Finally, if nature doesn’t plan for two consenting adults to be free to “embrace themselves”as the mood catches them, irrespective of “marriage” status, why does the same mother nature create those strong urges in humans from a very very early age (like 16), when they are far from being ready for “marriage” emotionally, physically, financially or even spiritually?





  1. October 3, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    Hmmm.. …. .
    Food for thought.
    As a doctor and a person that holds a form of religious tenents and a parent that has the duty of educating my children i find this article really disturbing. Disturbing in the sense that it challenges my religious beliefs at the same time rings medically true to some extent.
    So what is the middle point here? Or should one just discard the bathwater with the baby?

  2. Noni
    October 4, 2016 at 8:12 am

    While there may be some good points in this article, let me start with one of my favourite generalisations:

    “Most people engage(d) in premarital sex, even those preaching against it, whether they admit this or not. That’s a fact.”

    It’s one of my favourite Nigerian generalisations that I’ve never heard used in a positive context. Replace “sex” with lying, stealing, bribing…you get the jist. But I digress.

    No, we are not all the same. And not all of us have engaged in pre-marital sex. Some of us have very reasoned, well thought opinions for saying what we do. And maybe those of us who have been there hold very valid reasons for discouraging others from taking the same road we did. As a woman I believe we have the most to lose when it comes to sexual relationships, no matter what century we live in. The situations we find ourselves in sexually isn’t significantly different to that of our mothers and grandmothers. Talking to them is sometimes like listening to your own story.

    This is a favourite:

    “How about the issue of sexual compatibility? Money and sex are two leading causes of marital discord, and divorce.”

    Now THIS is funny. Why? Because chances are, many of those people who divorced for sexual reasons (usually dressed as something else) probably – note that word – engaged in pre-marital sex! So was it the actual sex that cause the relationship to crash or was it something more? I can guarantee you it was something more and the sex was a catalyst – and it didn’t even have to be about money.

    The over-emphasis on sex in Christendom never fails to fascinate me. You can’t throw out the holy books with this one as the major religions teachings are pretty much consistent when it comes to pre-marital sex. One thing any religious thinking person should realise is that we don’t all share the same morality with those around us and there will always be challenges to our beliefs.

    Personally l’d rather focus on the shared humanity of my fellow human beings. Everyone has to learn to live in a context comfortable to them, whether that includes sex or not.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *