THE CAGE CALLED MARRIAGE.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife … Anonymous

I have been married for well over a decade, and have been finding myself ruminating about why men often toy with the thoughts of (or partake in! ) extramarital relationships. Relationships may be platonic / amorous. Sometimes, the attraction is due to intellectual synchronicity (sapiosexuality). Often, an infidelity could be precipitated by physical attraction.

The marriage institution, being the building block of society implies that the stability or otherwise of marriages rubs off profoundly on the quality of children raised in that society. The damage done to trust in a marriage after the discovery of an affair can destroy a marriage irreversibly. Rebuilding a relationship after an affair is often impossible, and is generally disruptive, costly emotionally and often financially a complication you want to avoid.

Emotional infidelity often leads to physical full blown infidelity, so nipping it in the bud early (like cancer) at the emotional infidelity stage is a good approach before it blossoms further.

The annoying thing for me is the hypocrisy of applying different yardsticks in judging philandering. If a male strays, he is seen as being the man..a stud.. it is permissible. A female does same, she is labeled unpalatable things.

I am a man, so can mostly examine this issue from the perspective of a male. Friends confide in me regarding this, and hardly ever having this problem of struggling with (and succumbing to) straying myself, I felt it is interesting to have a look at how to insulate ourselves from the allure of the Beautiful Nubians, fortify ourselves from the silent powerful weapons of the females (which can / does make a monkey of any man) and stick to the marital vows.

photo courtesy - uaescene.com

photo courtesy – uaescene.com

The thought of straying enters every man’s (or woman’s) mind occasionally. This cannot but happen when you are regularly exposed to members of the opposite sex that are more intellectual stimulating, visually appealing, etc than your significant other.

If you work in an office or have to interact daily, for long with a member of the opposite sex, provided the chemistry is right, it would clearly take a lot of discipline not to entertain irreverent thoughts occasionally (and, worse, act out those thoughts) .

Imagine having that ravishing, intellectually sound Secretary that you work with daily that has your blood temperature permanently at dangerous levels!

As long as you don’t dwell to much or your fantasies, or worse, act it out, that is okay. Often, removing yourself from, or removing the object of temptation is an effective strategy. But, this is not always possible.

I suppose, the male is created to be a Hunter, and has to make some effort or apply discipline to resist chasing ‘game’ instinctively.

photo courtesy - naijastories.com

photo courtesy – naijastories.com

People who have studied the subject say that most instances of marital infidelity first rear their heads around the middle age when the marital fires are likely to be burning comparatively lower than it used to. The children are no longer babies, careers have (mostly) stabilized, deadly monotony / familiarity have set into the marriage, and people are assessing their lives.. thinking of the next challenge to create, address and surmount.

While researching issues of infidelity in marriage (causes, prevention, management), I came across this comprehensive article . It highly resonated with me, and immediately decided not to reinvent a wheel, as this is a very capable and detailed wheel.

Have a look. It should help couples having no infidelity issues, those that have the potential
to have that problem, and those already swimming in it.

Have you been unfaithful in the past? Are you currently having an affair? Have you ever entertained strong thoughts of straying and what strategies did you employ to repress or suppress it?

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