For Better or for Worse; but how much worse is worse?

Tolu and Wale have been dating for close to three months now. During that period, it’s been magical. A time of getting to know each other, seeing wonderful characteristics in each other and what not.

Until one evening, they were both in the room, talking. Then a loud ripping sound blasted. Wale hastily got to his feet, looking around for the rodent or intruder that must have made such a terrible noise, then he heard it again. Of course, he pinpointed the source immediately, not just the direction, but from the guilty look that had flashed over his girlfriend’s face.

The loud ripping noise had been as a result of gastric rumblings. Essentially, Tolu had just farted. Wale could not hide the look of disgust that flashed across his face, and Tolu saw it, deepening her embarrassment, and to make matters worse, it was a particularly smelly one.

And that’s how problems start.

Some of our married ladies have been in this position I can suppose. It’s normal for a person in a new relationship to idolise their partners a bit, seeing them as people who can do no wrong, who can walk on water, and whose fart must smell like roses. Highly illogical, but we really can’t help it. It’s just how fresh love works. That first time when they do something we have always believed they can’t do is a moment when illusions are shattered. It is like when children discover that there is no fat man in a red suit who brings them gifts on Christmas eve, or the moment when they realise that their parents are just human as well. It’ll feel like part of them just died. Ah, I know that feeling.

Sometimes we forget that beneath all that beautiful face and smile is a smelly, sweaty human being that still farts and burps. Youths tend to slip into the illusion of an utopia-like perfectionist view of their partners. When they fall short, problems ensue.

So what’s the big deal really?

I have heard instances where, ladies especially, if visiting a romantic partner, would demand that he leaves the room while they want to use the toilet. Because contrary to popular belief, human waste smells, whether you are all so sophisticated on the outside or not, your waste probably smells as much as that. (Remember that next time a girl plays hard to get).

The fact that a consciousness of this phenomenon has permeated our media as well shows that it’s not a strange thing. We generally wish to present our best sides to our partners, helping them to build those illusions that make us seem special and infallible to them. But, it has to end somewhere. And where it ends is marriage.

I know a friend who insists that he would want to have a separate room from his wife, so as to be able to do some things in peace without the possibility that his wife’s opinion of him would not be unduly shaken in the negative, and vice versa. He has his reasons, he might snore, they both have bad breath in the morning, and generally, he would rather prefer she sees only the best side of him, just as there are some wives who would rather their husbands see them only when they are bathed and made up, not that grey area between when waking up and taking a bathe. If a man had been convinced he married a beautiful goddess, such an early morning image might wash that picture out of his head.

Some would disagree with that proposition. That when you enter a relationship with someone, you enter it with their whole being, not just the cool parts. Subscribing to the school of thought that you should be able to do everything together.

Yes, everything. If I wish to take a dump in the same bathroom while my wife is bathing, darn right I should be able to. Now, to prevent unreal expectations, I also support the belief, that as soon as you start dating, you break your partner into your flaws and bad habits as slowly as possible, giving them time to adapt to a personality quirk before releasing another one or them.

That way, the relationship is perfectly open and there are no unreasonable expectations. Otherwise, if you have to pretend with the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, that essentially means you are going to pretend for the rest of your life? There’s no way I’ll sign up for that. You either take all of me as I am or you leave me for the person who will.

Still, facing the onslaught of morning breath and loud farts is not an enjoyable way of taking someone as he is.

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