DON’T MAR YOUR MARRIAGE BY VIOLENCE

Never go to bed angry…stay awake and plot revenge

There has been the prevalence of domestic violence happening to some celebrities here in Nigeria, in rapid succession, in recent times…. recently…

Do you think you could ever EVER be goaded enough to hit a woman!

Is it a sign of masculine weakness for a man to raise his hands against a woman, no matter the level of provocation .?

Clearly, conjugal violence is not restricted to the well known. It cuts across class and status. The men often beat up the wives, leading to a breakup of the marriage.

Now, let’s forget about gender for a moment and examine the provocation level ..

Are we saying there is
NO SITUATION where one can be provoked enough to lose his cool, totally? Whether the provoking agent is male or female?

Someone says,

I don’t care the level of provocation, you should never hit a woman unless your life is in danger or you are at risk of physical harm.

If you can restrain without hitting, that’s even better

Now, this is one politically correct guy!

These could be many reasons adduced why some men brutalize their mates, but these do not justify their doing so.

A man can give all kinds of excuses to justify a woman being battered – he was drunk, he could not control himself, or “she deserves it.”.

I feel there are two sides to this.

First, there are women who deploy physical violence on their spouse. They do this because they are physically stronger, or, are more prone to violence and the man is not the violent type.

Second, there is such a thing known as verbal violence.

In some instances, verbal violence is more damaging than physical violence..

Is it not a fact that verbal violence could be just as deadly as physical violence, and may bring out the monster we never imagined we have in us?

If a woman deploys verbal violence on her man and the man retaliates by going physically violent, can we SINGULARLY blame the man ?.

It’s Better To Live Alone In The Desert Than With A Quarrelsome, Complaining Wife.

Females are generally more verbally versatile than men, so you find that men are bound to lose in a verbal fight. This could explain why some men would resort to physical assault to counter the female superiority in verbal assertiveness.

Supposing you were goaded beyond your threshold, and lost control of your temper?

Someone says.

I can be provoked enough to lose my cool but not enough to hit a woman.

Gender DOES dictate how I respond to situations. I can’t leave it out of the equation that if another man physically challenges me, we may come to blows, but not with a woman.

Society expects the man to be in better control of his emotions, far more than his female counterpart who are generally being more emotional.

Thus, a man who loses his cool and raises his hands against a woman is seen as being less of a man. A beast.

True Strength is expressed by what we refuse to do even at the point of extreme provocation.

You can tell the size of a man by what makes him angry, and what he does when angry

Since the man is usually at the receiving end of recriminations when he goes physical on the woman, let’s examine some possible predispositional reasons.


The violent man chooses to use violence, because it allows him to obtain what he needs speedily, or what he thinks he is entitled to as a man.

violence

When a man does not feel that he himself has control over his life, he can use violence to try to control the life of another person. It is natural that one wants to control one’s own life, to a reasonable extent, but it is not normal to try to control the life of another person, especially by violent means.

Violence or abuse in intimate relationships generally exist when one person has more power, or is assumed to have more power, than the other.

The effectiveness of violence as a quick way to stop a disagreement in is tracks, without being obliged to talk about the real problem or to find a real solution makes some mentally lazy people adopt this method.

When he brutalizes a woman, the man can feel a kind of excitement and feel full of energy after the scene. He may try to feel this sensation again, and it gradually becomes a habit.

If a man becomes violent, he “wins”, and gets what he wants. The woman will probably give him what he wants next time, so as not to be beaten. In this way, the man feels an adrenaline rush of power.

The man has a misconception of what it is to be a man. If he thinks that to be a real man, he must control everything the woman does, he may find it normal to abuse her.

Some men think they have the right to have certain things – a good wife, sons, power to make all decisions in the family – solely because they are men. When these “rights” are challenged, the resort to violence.

The man thinks that the woman is his property (belongs to him) or feels that he himself needs her.
If the woman is “strong,” the man may be afraid of losing her, or that she may not need him. He will do whatever it takes to make her more dependent on him.

If men see women and girls as one of their possessions – something that belongs to them – they will tend to think that they can treat them exactly as they want, that it is their right.

Upbringing is also a factor. The man may know no alternative way of behaving. If a man has always seen his father or other people who are part of his life reacting violently when things get difficult or stressful, he may have simply never learned to approach things differently.


Conclusively,

The best fighter is never angry.

— Lao Tzu

Also,

Any woman who is sure of her own wits, is a match, at any time, for a man who is not sure of his own temper.

Lastly,

Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it…Don’t allow his anger to become your anger.

— Bohdi Sanders,

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